giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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