A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
