oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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