Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
