On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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