Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
