even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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