Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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