Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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