if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
