The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
