Is it normal to miss your booty call?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
