Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
