Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
