We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
