While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
