you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We have started to decorate penises.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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