I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
