he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
