You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
