You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
