I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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