I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
