I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
