she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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