That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
