It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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