Your tits are I can't wait for
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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