Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
