i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
