It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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