Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
