I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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