all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
