Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
