My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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