glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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