Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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