Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
