I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
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