I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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