Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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