idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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