I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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