The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
