Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
