I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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