There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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