I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
