He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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